funnies

one thing i never thought about back when i was applying to be a worldTeach volunteer in chile was that i would actually have to sit my keister down and grade, and grade, or grade, and grade tests.

in the intermediate and advanced classes we hardly even teach english. we prep students for the aforementioned, execrable TOEIC, a test that ostensibly proves the quality of one's english acquisition and is nearly impossible to teach to our students due to their lack of language foundation. i only teach one such class currently and it comes with one perk - tests are short, sweet, and multiple choice. grading a stack of intermediate tests takes a hot second. sadly, basic classes, in which one is able to actually present and practice grammar points and thereby - ummm- teach, come with a more daunting grading component. since i have 4 basic 2s, sometimes i'll sit down and triple the amount of grey hairs i currently sport.

sunday was one such day. with somewheres near 50 quizzes to grade, i sat down with a cup of water and some music thinking it would go as it always does, painfully and slowly. sadly, it went even more painfully and slowly than i had previously imagined. students didn't even end up doing horribly, but when you really want these kids to improve and take the time to grade every last myriad mistake, it gets a little trying (it hurts even more when you hand them back, they casually glance at their grade and then toss 'em into oblivion).

by the time i was halfway through the second stack, i needed alcohol. i looked around the house, but the only beverage with any sort of alcoholic content was erwin's "lemon stone" beer (mike's hard lemonade if it were... softer). frustrated i decided it would be worth a trip only to find out that not a store in the entire goddamn country was selling alcohol becuase chile's municipal elections took place nationwide on sunday and there's a country-wide ban on selling happy juice on election days. my sobriety, coupled with the pain of grading, multiplied by the fact that i'm a little on edge about the future these days was about to just send it all spiraling downwards when i came across some gems that made me LOL:

How many times have you been ill in the past 5 years? What did you do?

Corrected into human English that's, "I'm sick very little but when I've been sick I have gone to the hospital for a needle, in my pretty ass..... ouch shit! It was painful and after I was in bed for three weeks in the summer."

How many times have you been ill in the past 5 years? What did you do?

"I don't remember. I had heartache because my ex-girlfriend hurt me... I ate chocolate, very much chocolate."

Juan Carlos: "What do you have for my heartache?"

Pharmacist: "I recommend you believe in Buda (sp).

PRODUCT: BANDAGES

TYPE OF CONTAINER: PACK

WHAT IS IT FOR?: FOR THE AFTER SHAVE

stumbling upon these fleeting glimpses into wit was better than throwing back some suds or consuming nose candy to battle my woes. teaching the kids you really care or who crack wise makes it all worthwhile. i'm guessing any teacher would agree.

bonus round:

we also do online discussions. i throw out a serious of 8-12 questions or short paragraphs and students, in theory, reply within 2 days. one student, who fancies herself as a little princess, wrote:

5. When was the list time you were sick? What did you have?

The last time that I was sick was three months ago and I had a crisis of irritable colon.

The fact that THIS girl would write THAT nearly had me on the floor, but not in that cute kind of way. I don't much care for her. I digress, the next time you see a teacher, give he or she a big hearty hug. Speaking from my experience, there's a good chance it would be well deserved.

P.S. DuocUC English tests are riddled with grammatical errors. One such example is on display in one of the above pictures. If a dunce named P. Kerry, no wait, Phillip K. asks, I didn't say a word.