stray dogs, the choco panda, and pervasive PDA

so here are three things i've been trying to spit out blogs about since, like, day 3. give or take, it's day 42 and the reason i probably haven't gotten around to it is that these three things don't really make or break the experience or really have anything to do with much of anything. still, i do firmly believe that they are ubiquitous and idiosyncratic enough to warrant discussion, so why not do them all at once? without further ado:

a blog about the stray dog situation:



the center of the city. the outlying buroughs. the outskirts. the mountains. the taco bells. everywhere. loners. packs. families. single-mothers raising four pups. every possible permutation of stray dog exists in this country. obviously it's a simple case of priority that has led to the current state of affairs - chile is more "developed" than the united states in some ways, but sorely trailing behind in others. dogs in the street don't exactly add up to a pile of trail mix when you have people striking about indigenous rights, agricultural policy, or a mismanaged public transportation restructuring on a daily basis.

that being said, as someone who recently deserted a puppy who may not have exactly needed but surely enjoyed my love, i have been tempted several times over to adopt one of them and have a wonderful companion (in addition to you, ukulele) for the rest of the year. sadly, my spanish isn't ready for that conversation with my host family. we were advised early on to not pet the dogs, but i decided against that recommendation in like week two. the thing is, i'm yet to come across one stray that was hostile to humanoids and some of them are just too god damn winsome. i mean, you get your standard stray that looks like all he really wants is some camaraderie, but you get like your fair share of well groomed, adorable-ass, dog pound-style begging for ownership types too. they don't all look like they live in the streets. there's just that much variety.

i must admit i was warned. at my surprise (of the century) going away party thomas "i'm from chile" verdugo totally said, "you'll see a lot of stray dogs... it's sad." i said, "yeah, i've heard about that" and continued to sip on my guinness, not realizing that this man was trying to tell me something that i needed to be a'knowin'. i could have never imagined the severity of his statements on that rainy, surprise of an evening in southern california. sadly, the cycle isn't going to end anytime soon. it's quite common to turn a corner and walk in on some serious stray-on-stray love making. the current rate of stray birth is at an all time high in my head.


a blog about the choco panda revolution:

i just realized that it's quite late and i should be lesson planning for my omega-long five class day tomorrow, but HECK, this needs to be said: MULLETS ARE PASSÉ south america. come on now.

this all begins with the popular ice cream bar "choco panda" and the bad decisions of a few regrettably misguided individuals. the 80s (or ochentas) are still super awesome rad down in chile. i can't speak for the rest of south america, but i wouldn't put it past 'em. every club has a serious 80s selection in heavy rotation (actually totally cool with me) and a chilean with absolutely no english ability can still probably sing november rain flawlessly for you.

at some point, or perhaps it just never died, some cats started sporting proud, solid, sincere mullets. most of these cats sold "choco panda" ice cream bars on busses. you see, when busses stop here in chile, commuters don't just get on and off - vendors, buskers, and various other forms of entertainment hop on for a couple blocks free of charge in order to pander to your peso. so the kids hawking the choco panda's had mullets and therefore, here in chile, the mullet is not known by it's staid, trusted moniker, but instead by the perhaps greater "choco panda."

now the choco panda, like most things in life, has evolved considerably. you still find your traditional business front/party back varieties (see included photo); however, the fashion mullet is en vogue in a bad way and has innumerable, unknowable forms. geled, sprayed, messy, clean, austere, dreaded, shaved, and colored. the standard is null, the limit is sky.

my chilexperience with the mullet has totally blinded any prior mullet experience. we were thrown into this mess save two or three prefaces in the various planes that ushered us here back in february. i'm pretty sure fashion mullets play elsewhere in this world, but the mullet itself knows no better friend than this here nation. any breed is safe, have no fear, the past is forever present, here.

and lastly, a blog about perversely persuasive pervasive PDA:

much like stray dogs and mullets, PDA (public displays of affection for you neophytes) is stupid ubiquitous in chile. up until days ago, this post would have been solely about youngins (or lolos) and their penchant for getting public with their biz; however, while walking home last week i bore witness to a couple that had to have been in their mid to late 40s that just broke my algorithm for PDA in chile to shit. for this reason, i'm just going to make ill-advised broad statements about how they do down here.

it's hard to say what's different about our two worlds that makes teenage affection, or mostly teenage affection peppered with some adults that should know better, so public here. obviously, these kids can't be macking back at their houses and therefore take to the streets and the parks and the subway and the buses and the malls and i haven't witnessed it yet but i'm sure the movie theaters. my own personal experience would suggest that the house-privacy situation issue is the primary catalyst, but i can't be sure. did the two middle aged horn dogs i witnessed making out and fondling in the park not have a house or was i just witnessing some nascent infidelity? i'll never be sure. all i know is that at cerro santa lucia, easily one of santiago's most gorgeous public parks, the grassy knolls are rife with horny teenagers doing things that should maybe not be done in front of little children.

trust the me when i say it's serious, the PDA in chile. it's a full day activity. it's shameless. it's rounding 2nd base. it is second base. i have heard that in some parks at night, it's often a home run. there is no shame.

i would like to note that i am not judging. i am just making aware those who need be made aware. beware.

bonus round:

sad, but effective population control for the strays:

mystery street meat runs 250 pesos [50 cents]. just a jest though, i don't believe he was selling dog. at least i hope not, because if dog is that delicious, we're really wasting our time with the whole domesticated pet thing.