enigma

in no particular order, here are seven things that i haven't mentioned about this country that are like, so totally different:

1. the hour has 45 minutes
   like for serious. i teach for an hour and a half but i record two hours. apparently private tutoring sessions pay hourly, but you really only teach 45 minutes. who knew?
2. minimum wage: 260 dollars a month
   3G iphone: available from at least 4 cell phone providers
   i guess a lower minimum wage shouldn't really be surprising anyone, but an iphone that is more available here than in the united states wasn't exactly foreseeable in this one's opinion. same price, same phone, less money, way, way more credit. if you think the states are/were shooting credit like heroin, don't come to chile where you can put your happy meal on layaway.
3. zuckerberg is god
   i guess i haven't been stateside in almost a year now, but facebook runs lives down here. not only does anyone under the age of 30 have more 3rd party applications than a somali sea has pirates, but grown ass men and women are glued to every available computer stalking their families, friends, acquaintances, and countrymen in a substantially unhealthy narcissistic exercise. some would say chileans are already rather obsessed with material gain and what others possess, facebook just provides the perfect vehicle to fulfill all that sweet envy and coveting. that and no one has yet been informed of privacy settings. i'm checking out pics from president bachelet's last bathroom outing as we speak.
4. i'll take that wine with soda please
   gotta try that chielan wine sean! make sure you drink lots of chilean wine! bring me back some chilean wine! should i bring you back some coca cola too? i don't really have a refined wine palette, but i'm pretty sure doing 1 part wine/1 part coke doesn't really build the taste. if you're looking for a safe investment in these tumultuous times, may i recommend the coca cola corporation? as far as i can tell, they run latin america, nurse babies (no joke - i've seen countless bottles filled with coke and then shaken to take out the gas of course), and act as a substitute for drinking water. when my students see me sipping on a litre of water throughout class, they warn me of the dangers of over-saturating my insides with water, i want to know who is warning them about over-saturating theirs with crack.
   
   on the same note, they drink beer with fanta and it's delicious, especially when the beer is poop cristal.
5. the change in temperature phenomenon
   if you are warm and walk into cold, you'll probably get sick. if your feet step onto cold floor unprotected by socks, slippers, or shoes, you better be expecting them sniffles. if you're cold and walk into the house and the estufa isn't turned on, it's for your own protection silly! the change in temperature that would ensue from its ignition would surely throw your body into a nasty tailspin. cold to hot is bad. hot to cold is bad. regulate son!
6. motels = sex only
   self-explanatory i guess, but what the hey? motels are all over the place, but for some strange reason, not heavily advertised. whereas in the northern americas, you'll be driving down a street and see a large sign for a warm bed and HBO, here you'll see a street number and an uninviting perimeter. the reason? your motel experience is most likely only going to last a couple of hours and discretion is always preferable. i've heard from scandalous friends that your receipt comes with two cans of beer or pisco (south american brandyish liquor), protection, various lubricants, and a room riddled with mirrors. erwin tells me that at lunch hour in providencia (the business center of the country), every motel is booked to the brim. apparently, if you actually want a place to sleep you have to go to a hotel and pay totally uncool hotel prices - definitely an untapped market in chile if motel 6 is listening (they're not).
7. english is cool, kinda
   you'll be on the metro (subway) minding your own business and fully on your way to zoning out of the subdued spanish chatter when all of a sudden you here "GO TO HELL! hahahahahah." you look around thinking someone must be talking to you, but your search is in vain. you eventually find a group of chilean 30 somethings seated across from each other, carrying out a conversation entirely in spanish save the occasional, totally cool, english phrase. it's actually enjoyable to hear people have fun with english, as a unqualified professor of the language i just wish more people actually cared to learn it. most heard line from students, random acquaintances, family friends, and strangers: me encanta ingles pero me cuesta (i love english but it is difficult for me). the most frequent reason for said difficulty? survey says lack of substantial effort. womph-woh.